pictures I almost forgot about but then remembered

our christmas card

wo men dou shi hao peng you.

7's galore

little hojie,ry,aud bears

zong zi + tiff's smoldering gaze

prom '08-'09

APAC band bosses

put those almost existent eyebrows away stephen "jk :)"

bliss

whywhywhy we rollrollroll

delish cheesy delights

Inspired by Tiffany To

looking around my room, I notice 20 something eyes and their uplifted corners, where the skins pinches together, and a smile forms upwards to the knots of their temples. My fingers pinch and pull their ghostly flesh, their smiles grow and shrink, but I open my eyes and find I have teared and scratched the surfaces of the 20 something photographs.

my thoughts are ventilating. they fart out of my ears and nose. I shouldn't have had that coffee because now my tongue is shaking uncontrollably and my pinky refuses to sit still like a good limb should.

lime green, mustard yellow, princess pink, elderberry purple, paint me from top to bottom. no, go ahead and drown me in the chalky and crayon colors. my teeth are beginning to taste like plastic and eggshells, collecting at the arching cradles of gum. so this is what it, being a kid, feels like? nibble a crayola stick, peel it and bite it. grind it between your molars. go ahead and suck the dye. shouldn't we all trust the label? non-toxic, synthetic colors, my favorite friends come in a box of 16 in this drawer of unlimited time, a ring of infinity.

what are your colors like?

afternoon monotony

this room is missing something.
it's missing the sun, the birds, the flowers, the laughter, the soft whispers, the vibrant colors, the wafting smells, the taste of vanilla.

slapping a palm against the cool slab of concrete, I fell into a rabbit hole of clarity.

...a volcano erupts without a warning but the ants continue to dance.
so I close my eyes
and dream.
...vaaashooomp.
fllliiikkkkkashhloop.
the dots begin to scatter,
and as soon the molten jam spreads across the bread
they plot themselves on a grid of stolen time.

do I really have to do this..

so, it's been a while since I have last posted. part of me wants to write something for the sake of updating, but there's this battle going on inside of me that wants me to give it up altogether. I don't want to say anything in particular, but if I have to write something, it seems I have to resort to writing about my life at the moment.
today was long and hard to bear. I found myself yelling at R for not letting me talk and for giving me suggestions on how to deal with my emotions. I found myself calling an old friend that I haven't talked to (about serious things) for over a year. I found myself nagging about people I like in general but disliked at that certain moment of time because my patience and tolerance for other people's opinions or suggestions was incredibly and dangerously low.
I get emailed, called, mid-hallway stopped, talked to about my interim trip nonstop. luckily, that died down after a week, but the first couple days we got back from Kolkata was insufferable. the bombardment of curious minds and their questions, near drowned me.
suzette called me earlier today and asked me a question that I've actually been asking myself for quite a while: could we have possibly been prepared before the trip? could our trip leaders tell us what we were expecting, what we'd have to deal with, what we'd see so we wouldn't come back so overwhelmed?
I told her no. No, we could not have been prepared before that trip to Kolkata. No, we could not possibly understand anyway, even if we were "warned" previously what we'd be dealing with.

I know that from all the stressed stories that we try so hard to tell make it seem as if the trip was traumatizing, but to pick the right word to describe it would be that it was a lobotomy,


and now, I just love.

the short history of how I became a bandgeek

but really when you think about it, band is for the obnoxious pranksters and strings is for the goody-goodies.

February 24-29: went to apac (in shanghai), played clarinet for 9 hours everyday, came back and have school band rehearsals every other day (and a thursday morning rehearsal, zomg w00t)

I'm actually fine with it though, I'm starting to not mind my splintered/crackling/butchered lips and blistered thumbs.

speaking of which, I have to leave to go to my band rehearsal.

more LATERrr

how long can a cool cat keep calm

so here we are.


alas, it is saturday, what to do-what to do.
it is truly a pity that the break is coming to an end so soon...but maybe it's okay that school is starting up again. I need to feel pressure again, I crave for knowledge to coil through my brain. feeling like a total bum right now, just sitting around listening to music...playing sims... I mean I actually resorted to cleaning my computer of junk/useless docs that I've been meaning to trash. but now that's done, and I am left with absolutely nothing to do. surely it is very pathetic to say that I actually miss learning, HAH bigjoke!


okay fine I really do miss it.
I feel like a dimwitted caveman when I haven't learned something new for a while...

and my friends...
yeah.
I miss you guys.


P.S. can someone please explain to me why it is so cold in HK!? oh, weather-gods, make it warm again. I get wretchedly pale during the cold season, I've actually been told during gym class that my skin color looks frighteningly similar to an albino's. which is rather...awesome-sauce.

the ordinary tourist

so the internet here in the parkroyal hotel is complimentary (along with the cookies they hand out daily), which means I can give an update of things here. not much to do since penang isn't exactly heavy with tourist locations. so what exactly have I been doing? well let me just map out my daily routine for you:

9:30 am - get up and eat breakfast half asleep in clothes I went to sleep in.. (avoiding the "fresh" fruit, the curries, and the cornbeef hash...taking only yogurt, cereal, and french toast...oh and of course, tea!)

10:20 am to 1:00 pm - hit the poolside, tan with determination to free my tanning potential (y), read Lolita, burn my face + feet and lack any tan in between the two areas, attempt at "cooling off" in lukewarm, greasy pool

1:00 pm to 3:00 pm - linger at tiki bar, drink pepsi and eat a wrap, read and try to steal the lobby's wifi, watch the bar employees, squint at the distant tv's sports game.

3:00 pm to 6:00 pm - return to room with mr. whiney (aka anthony) and boil water for tea while I shower, eat the free cookies, watch disney channel and some jacky chan cartoon show, wait for dinner

then I just eat till 10:00 pm and go to sleep.

it's great, life is simple and uncomplicated, I've had fun doing nothing, but I can't deny that I just want to go home. I really just feel like I'm killing time when I could be using this time to do something I actually want to do. and I'm compelled to get along with my brother, which is really...really... hard to do.

basically, I tried to give a chance to this place but there really isn't anything new that can make me spontaneously love this place...because in all honesty, this place is cheesy as hell. big, pale tourists lounging and everyone here seems to treat the hotel employees like they aren't people. i'm sure that's the case in hotels globally though, so i don't intend to just bash this one, but all of them really (heh).

it's hard to just watch when tourists try to make the employee feel like some bigidiot when actually it's them being stupid... for example, today I watched 5 people ask where the drink menu was in a snobbish, condescending tone (stupidly not knowing that the drink menu is on the other side of the food menu). that is mainly why I linger at the tiki bar. to watch bigidiot tourists act like bigidiots. but it's also to watch the employees fool around and be themselves. I overheard them gossip about some miami beach cougar who asked for an entire bottle of white wine to drink at the poolside with her young, hunky eyecandy.

one of the employees is an australian intern (around his early twenties, blond hair, fair skin) and he seems timid around his colleagues (whom all are malaysians) but over the days he became accepted and eventually was taught the greeting handshake they all do with each other. makes me want to intern at a hotel at least once in my lifetime. must be annoying as hell to get crap from other people but it's definitely a life learning and selfless experience...